coming soon.... a podcast where we can talk about everything. from a 21 year old college student. let's talk about life, school, relationships, friendships, mental health, music, tv shows, movies- all of it. everything.
Book: Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight
When I first read the title of the book, I was a bit surprised. It’s not often you see self help books that are cursing on the cover. I’m not a fan of self help books, however, the title intrigued me. I picked up the book and read the line that made me buy it. It was, “[…] this is not a traditional self-help book. It’s more of a let-me-help-you-help-yourself-help book.” I was sold. The author comes off as charming and realistic, while still being able to help you help yourself. It’s an easy read, and I can confidently say that reading it and applying the ideas from it to my own life has made a really big, positive impact on my life. The book is available on Amazon, as well as in stores such as Target. If you enjoy it, check out the authors other books, “Calm the F*ck Down,” and “The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck.”
Movie: Someone Great
This is most definitely my favorite movie. It’s just such a great movie, and it’s comforting to watch. It never gets old. The movie is about Jenny, a journalist in her late 20’s who is broken up with by her boyfriend of nine years. The breakup was a product of Jenn getting her dream job, on the other side of the country. The day after the breakup, Jenny calls her best friends, Blair and Erin, who drop what they’re doing to help their bestie through this heartbreak. And that includes going to a big concert and club event called Neon Classic. The trio prepare for the night, scrambling for tickets, drugs, clothes all while dealing with their own problems in their romantic relationships. I promise you, if you need a movie that you can watch a million times and it never gets old, this is it. It’s romantic and heartbreaking all while being hilarious and realistic. And it’s the perfect movie for a girl’s night in.
Album: Red Taylor’s Version by Taylor Swift
All anyone in my circle can talk about is the release of Red Taylor’s Version, by Taylor Swift on Nov. 12. If you’re unaware of the situation, Scooter Braun royally screwed Talor Swift over and made a profit out of her creativity and hard work. Without getting into the entire situation, Swift now has to re-record all of her previous albums. And while the situation is frustrating, fans are standing by Swift and supporting her more than ever. And all anyone who’s interested in Swift’s music can talk about is this release, happening this Friday. Especially a 10 minute version of the popular song “All Too Well.” I personally cannot wait to pretend I’m heartbroken, and sing my heart out to this song and I know I’m not alone in that.
TV Show: You
The third season of the Netflix original series “You” starring Penn Badgley and Victoria Pedretti was released Oct. 15. SInce it’s release, similar to the main character Joe, fans have become obsessed. Myself included. If you haven’t seen the third season, spoilers ahead! The third season shows Joe and Love living their new suburban life with their new baby, Henry. All seems perfect, until both Joe and Love are unfaithful, resulting in murder from both parties. The show is interesting, and keeps you guessing what is going to happen next. It has sex, violence, romance, and often times the three are intertwined. If you’re looking for a chilling show to watch, check out You on Netflix.
Song: All Too Well by Taylor Swift
Like I mentioned previously, I’m incredibly eager for the release of Red Taylor’s Version this coming Friday. Because of this, I’ve been almost “pregaming” the album’s release by listening to Red songs. My favorite of which has been All Too Well. This is one of the best songs to scream at the top of your lungs driving in the car. It’s just great. I don’t currently relate to the song, as I’m in a great relationship. However, I will be channeling all the angst and heartbreak I have literally ever experienced into fully feeling the emotions in this song.
Trauma is a funny thing. Not actually obviously. It’s actually the exact opposite of humorous. But it’s just a very strange thing.
The thing that I think is the most strange about it is that you may not even know what you went through was traumatic and had lasting effects. Sometimes it takes a long time to realize you’ve even experienced trauma. When your feelings have constantly been discarded and invalidated, it really tricks you into thinking that nothing is ever really a big deal, and to just go along with it.
I recently discovered that I had experienced a good bit of trauma in my life. It still feels hard to even use that word, to describe what I went through as “trauma,” as if it was that serious.
But that in itself is a trauma response. Not being able to accept that something really shitty happened to you, or being able to accept the lasting effects it’s had on you is literally an effect of trauma.
And without understanding that you experienced trauma, and therefore not being able to accept the pain it caused, can really effect how you see the world.
Without going into too much detail, the trauma I endured essentially made me feel like a burden on the world. To my family, to my friends, my boyfriend, to everyone. I had incredibly low self esteem, and truly thought that everything that went wrong was my fault. I thought that I was inherently unlikable and that was just the way I was and always would be.
And I had thought about it before. I had people in my life that loved me, so I couldn’t be that awful right? Sometimes I would be able to convince myself that it was all in my head, but more often than not, I went about my life feeling the weight of that pain on my shoulders.
And for the majority of my life, I thought that was just it. This is life, you feel like this, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And more than that, it’s all your fault.
And it was as awful as it sounds. I was struggling with severe self hatred, depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I was not doing well. Then something else (that I will not be going into detail about) happened and I just couldn’t take it.
I felt like life was pointless, and that there was no point in being here anymore if all I was ever going to feel like was a burden and a problem.
It got really dark. I was contemplating suicide, and I was just in an awful place. I contacted my therapist, and made it clear I needed to speak with her asap.
I talked to her and explained what had been happening, and let everything out. It felt amazing, but it killed me at the same time. It felt like I had to relive the trauma, which hurt, but I needed to get it off my chest. I explained the event that happened, and she sympathized with me.
However, after explaining, I said, “I know it’s not a big deal or whatever, it just sucked.”
But she didn’t let me invalidate my own feelings like so many had done to me before. Instead, she said to me, “But it is a big deal. It was a big deal for you, and you’re allowed to feel the hurt from that. You don’t have to immediately get over it or be okay.”
I had never thought about things like that before. The way I had always thought when problems came about was just like, “Well. That sucks. But you know hey, what are you gonna do about it?” And just forget about it.
I had been refusing to accept that things that had happened to me had really hurt me and affected me in negative ways, and because of this, I was just carrying around that hurt all the time.
And then about an hour after my appointment, I saw a post on instagram that said, “You can’t heal if you keep pretending you’re not hurt.”
And wow. Just wow. This immediately changed my perspective on so many things. If I wanted to heal, and be happy, I had to accept that I was hurt. People hurt me. And the things they did/didn’t do affected my life in a many negative ways. But if I wanted to overcome those things, and truly heal, I first had to accept not only that they happened, but that they hurt.
And that’s kind of where I am now. I’m letting myself sit, and feel this hurt, instead of trying to push it away and pretend that it never happened or that it never hurt me.
And as hard and sad as it is, it’s good. It’s a good hurt.
I’m still in the process of healing. However, I’m proud of myself for the progress I’ve made, and for the discoveries I’ve made through this healing.
I truly hope that if anyone reading this has some sort of unsolved or repressed trauma, that you are able to heal from it, and live without that weight on your shoulders.
It is the first day of my junior year at Bowling Green State University! I’ve already had my first class, and I’m sitting in my second one right now. Campus is so different this year. Last year was basically not college it almost felt like. Taking classes online, never meeting your professors or classmates… It was just weird. I’m so excited for this year. It’s awesome seeing so many people on campus. A lot of people are starting back to school/college this week or next week, and some have already started. To everyone starting here soon or may have already started, good luck with everything this year! Remember that school is important and should be a priority, but your mental health should be a large priority as well! Take some time to reflect and check in with yourself this semester/year. Remember this will all be worth it one day.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I am OBSESSED with the makeup/skincare brand Glossier. The whole “Glossier” look is just amazing. It’s all about enhancing natural beauty, dewiness, and just overall looking fresh and clean. I’m in love with it. I genuinely have just about every product they make, and while I do love these products, my bank account absolutely does NOT. Although, I wouldn’t say Glossier is necessarily the most expensive makeup brand, if you’re a broke college student like me, a dupe every now and again definitely wouldn’t hurt. Here are my top favorite Glossier dupes for when you want that look, but want to save that cash:
Elf HD Lifting Concealer for Glossier Stretch Concealer
My dupe for the Glossier Stretch Concealer ($18) is the Elf HD Lifting Concealer ($4). Not only is this product only a fraction of the cost of the Stretch Concealer, but it has an almost identical payoff. It has a very natural, dewy finish, with light-medium coverage.
Revlon PhotoReady Candid Powder for Glossier Wowder
My dupe for the Glossier Wowder ($22) is the Revlon PhotoReady Candid Powder ($10). This product is a dupe down to the packaging. It’s a great translucent setting powder that sets your makeup without looking cake-y, and still leaves you looking dewey. And for less than half the price of the Wowder, it’s definitely a steal!
Maybelline Cheek Heat for Glossier Cloud Paint
My dupe for the Glossier Cloud Paint ($18) is the Maybelline Cheek Heat ($6). This cream blush is so natural and pretty, and it looks just like the Glossier one. It comes in 6 super pretty shades and is really easy to blend, especially for being only $6.
Wet and Wild Mega Length for Glossier Lash Slick
This is probably my favorite dupe out of them all. My dupe for the Glossier Lash Slick ($16) is the Wet and Wild Mega Length Mascara ($3.50). I couldn’t believe how similar the two products were considering the price difference. The Wet and Wild Mega Length is a super lengthening mascara without making it clumpy. Your lashes look gorgeous, long and natural, just like with the Lash Slick.
Milani Brow Tint Pen for Glossier Brow Flick
My dupe for the Glossier Brow Flick ($18) is the Milani Brow Tint Pen ($10). This product is a perfect dupe to get nice, full, but natural looking brows. It’s easy to use, dries quickly, and stays on all day. It’s not as cheap as the other products, but it’ll still save you $8!
NYX Control Freak for Glossier Boy Brow
My dupe for the Glossier Boy Brow ($16) is the NYX Control Freak ($6). The Glossier Boy Brow is probably their most popular product, and it’s crazy how identical the NYX Control Freak is. It adds color and grooms your brows perfectly without looking unnatural. It stays on all day and it’s an awesome product for the price.
Wet and Wild MegaGlow Hello Halo for Glossier Niteshine
This is another one of my favorites. My dupe for the Glossier Niteshine ($20) is the Wet and Wild MegaGlow Hello Halo Highlighter ($6). It comes in almost identical shades and gives the same color payoff. It’s easy to apply, and gives you that perfect natural glow, without making you look oily.
Elf Lip Lacquer for Glossier Lip Gloss
And finally my last dupe. My dupe for the Glossier Lip Gloss ($14) is the Elf Lip Lacquer ($3). It’s a gorgeous lip gloss and it comes in so many different shades. It’s super glossy and pretty without being sticky. It’s a perfect dupe for the Glossier Lip Gloss, and way cheaper.
“Where you going girl?”
“Smile! Why you look so mad?”
“Hey baby girl.”
Has anything like this ever been said to you by a man? If you’re a woman, I can almost guarantee something along those lines have been said to you. And I can also guarantee, it made you feel like shit.
I’m over cat-calling. Let me rephrase that, I’ve BEEN over cat-calling.
The first time I was cat-called was when I was 16. Sixteen.
I was walking into a nail salon to get a new set of acrylics when a man who couldn’t have been younger than 45 told me I had a nice ass. He, a 45 (AT LEAST) man was commenting on my body. Mine. Me, a 16 year old MINOR.
And what could I do about it? Nothing. I felt disgusting in my own body, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I got into the nail salon and immediately broke down in tears.
The last time I was cat-called happened two days ago.
I was leaving Wal-Mart after grabbing a few groceries, when two men started yelling at me.
“Mmmm baby. Where you going? You’re too fine to be walking by yourself.”
They continued with other crude remarks, and if that wasn’t bad enough, they started following me to my car.
I was terrified, obviously. Two large men were following me to my car.
They continued talking to me as I ignored them, and asked where my “man” was. I responded telling them, “My boyfriend is in the car.”
This seemed to scare them off enough thankfully. But my boyfriend wasn’t in the car.
What if I hadn’t thought to say he though? What if they just kept following me to my car in this parking lot at night? What were they going to do? What was I going to do?
Let me tell you, I have no idea. The entire experience scared the fuck out of me. And the sad thing is, too many women can relate.
To be honest, I don’t know what to do about all of this. Maybe start teaching men that women don’t exist for them to gawk at and comment on. All I know is I needed to get it off my chest, so there it is.
But to those of you men who still cat- call women, I want you to really listen up, and read the words I’m about to write to you:
Coming to college for the first time is exciting. It’s a whole new world. You’ll be with new people, have a new living space and experience an entirely new day to day life. Basically everything about your life changes. It can be overwhelming, to be honest. In my experience, one of the most overwhelming parts was deciding what to bring, and what not to bring. But from two years of living in the dorms, I can confidently say I have a pretty good idea of what you will need and what you won’t. So if you’re unsure what to bring and what to leave, here’s a little guide from my experience.
Things you won’t need:
Brita water filter
This item is quite controversial when discussing whether or not you need it, however, I firmly stand behind the idea that you don’t need it in your dorm. It will only cause you trouble, and become clutter. All of the dorms have water fountains where you can fill up your water bottles, cups, or whatever else you might need water for. The Brita will take up so much unnecessary space in your mini fridge, and it’s just a pain in general. Unless you are very specific about what kind of water you like, I’d leave this item at home.
Lots of silverware and cooking supplies
Bringing a lot of silverware, dishes, cooking supplies and cooking appliances is not necessary at all. For the most part, you’ll be eating at the dining halls. And even when you’re not, you won’t be cooking and baking extravagant meals in your dorm. Most dorms have a communal kitchen with all kinds of appliances, so if you do end up wanting to cook or bake, it’s there for you to use. Instead, consider bringing paper plates and bowls for when you do eat in your dorm, and maybe a set of silverware, but leave the blender and pans at home.
Lots of school supplies
Although your workload is going to be a lot larger than it was in highschool, ironically, you only need a fraction of the school supplies. Things like binders, folders, notebooks, erasers and rulers are just unnecessary. The majority of your school work will be done online, making these supplies useless. At most, bring a folder and a notebook, and if you find that you need more for your classes, then you can go out and get it.
Loads of books
Unless you’re an avid reader and make it a part of your daily routine already, don’t bring a lot of books to school. They’re bulky, and take up a lot of space, and to be frank, you most likely won’t have a lot of time to sit and read. Bring your favorite book, or maybe one that you plan on reading, but leave the library at home. If you do end up having loads of spare time to read and miss your books at home, have them shipped to you, or visit home to grab them.
Things you don’t already use daily, you really shouldn’t be bringing. So if you’re not an avid photographer, try and leave your giant DSLR at home. If you don’t use that old ipad, ipod or speaker, then just don’t bring it. All it’s going to do is clutter up your room and take up space that you really need. Along with that, don’t bring a printer. You can print whatever you need for just a few cents at your school’s library, and most dorms even have printers within the building. It might mean you may need to allot an extra five or ten minutes to make your way to a printer and print, but it’s worth it to not have a giant printer taking up space.
Extra bags and purses might sound like a good idea at first, but they’re going to take up space you don’t have. There’s no reason to have 15 different school bags, gym bags, overnight bags and purses to choose from. At most, you’ll need a backpack for class, a gym bag if you workout, and a purse.
Too many clothes
A good way to think about what clothes to bring to school is to basically just cut your closet in half. You don’t need every article of clothing you own, because you’re just not going to wear it, and your closet is very small. When you first move it, you’re really not going to need your giant winter jacket and boots. Try and just pack clothes that are in season, and a few sweatshirts or hoodies for if you get cold. Another note would be please, do not bring your old highschool tee shirts. You’re in college now. It’s a new start, and you really don’t need to be dragging your old highschool gear around. And finally, do NOT bring your letterman jacket. Please.
As much as you’re going to want cute, delicious smelling candles, most dorms don’t allow them. And if your RA finds them, you can actually get in a bit of trouble. They can trigger the fire alarm, and you really don’t want to be that person that made your entire dorm evacuate because you lit a Bath and Body Works candle. Just do yourself a favor and leave them at home. Instead, opt for a little wallflower. They’re just as cute and will make your dorm smell great without being a fire hazard.
The golden rule: If you don’t already use it at home, you’re more than likely not going to use it at school.
Things you definitely need:
Whether it be flip flops, Crocs, or just waterproof shoes you don’t mind getting a bit icky, you’re going to need them. Unless you’re one of the lucky ones who have a bathroom in your dorm, you’re going to be using the communal showers, which can be gross. There’s thousands of people who have showered there before you, and as clean as maintenance might try and keep it, you don’t want to take the risk.
Scissors and tape
While this might contradict the school supplies note, these two things are going to come in handy, and normally not for school work. Whether you need to crop a tee shirt, hang up a poster, or really anything, these two items are going to be a necessity for little things you wouldn’t think about. You’d be surprised how many things you need to cut and tape in your little dorm.
If you get hot easily, please do yourself a favor and get a small fan. Some dorms have AC, but a lot of them do not. But even if yours does, get a fan. Your dorm might control the temperature, making it hotter than you’d like, or you might be able to control it from your dorm, but have a roommate who likes it a bit warmer. Either way, getting a fan is a good idea.
Shoes you don’t care about getting dirty
You’re most likely going to be going to bars and frat parties, and when I tell you the floors of those places are where COVID-19 came from, I am not exaggerating. They are disgusting, sticky, and just foul as a whole. However, it’s part of the college experience and you’re more than likely going to find yourself in one of these places at some point. And when that happens, you don’t want to be wearing your nice shoes, because trust me, they will become unwearable in public.
Please get a planner. I’ve seen many people saying they’re unnecessary and that you won’t use it, but don’t listen to that. A planner is going to keep you sane. In college, you have so many things going on from classes, to work, to when homework is due, and any other engagements you may have. To keep yourself from missing things, get yourself a planner, and write everything down. You’ll thank yourself later.
It’s going to rain. It just is. And while normally that wouldn’t be too big of a deal when you just have to run from your door to the car, you more than likely won’t be driving a lot during your freshman year. Your main mode of transportation will be walking. And walking across campus in the rain is not fun. Get an umbrella that collapses so you can store it easily, and walk across campus with ease.
Portable laundry basket
You’re obviously going to need a laundry basket for dirty clothes, same as at home. But the washer and dryer aren’t just down the hall anymore. Normally, your dorm’s washer and dryer will be in the basement, and let me tell you, it is not fun lugging an entire basket of laundry down four flights of stairs. Get a laundry basket with wheels, so it’s easy to take it to wherever you need to wash your clothes. It seems like a little thing, but it’ll save your time and energy and make doing laundry a whole lot easier.
The mattress you’ll be sleeping on in your dorm feels like a large flat rock. It is the least comfortable thing to sleep on, and not getting sleep is the last thing you want in college. You’re going to need a nice place to sleep and take naps, so you’re definitely going to want a mattress topper. It makes your bed so much more comfortable and will make your time sleeping so much better.
Again, unless you’re one of the lucky ones who have a bathroom in your dorm, you’re going to be using the communal showers. College can already feel awkward and uncomfortable enough, so the last thing you need is walking from the bathroom to your dorm in a tiny towel, passing what could be your new friends. Get a long robe so that you can walk from the bathroom to your dorm without feeling uncomfortable. Side note, if the fire alarm goes off while you’re in the shower and you’re forced to go outside, it’s a lot less embarrassing standing in front of your entire dorm in a robe than in a tiny bath towel. I unfortunately have learned from experience.
Extension cord and power strip
You have approximately two outlets in your dorm. Both of which will most likely be in the worst possible places. Get yourself an extension cord so you can actually use your outlets. Whether you want to have your phone plugged in while in bed, or really anything else where you’d like to actually use what you have plugged in, you’re going to want an extension cord. A power strip will also help this problem. You’re probably going to want to plug in more than two things at once, so the power strip will come in handy.
One more time, unless you’re one of the lucky ones who have a bathroom in your dorm, you’re going to be using the communal showers. You obviously can’t keep all of your shower stuff in showers, so having a little shower caddy will help carry everything from your room to the shower. It also helps keep all of your shower stuff organized and together, so you won’t have to search for it in your closet when you need to shower.
First Aid Kit
One of the things a lot of people don’t think about bringing to school is basic first aid, because you always just have it somewhere at home. You don’t need to have the supplies to perform surgery, but having a few bandaids and some antiseptic cream is nice.
The other golden rule: If you end up needing it, you can always go out and get it.
Mental health is a very important part of everyone’s life, but unfortunately it can often be pushed aside and forgotten about. It’s important to make sure you’re paying attention and taking care of your mental health because it can drastically affect your life. So, if you haven’t been paying enough attention to your mental health, here are 20 ways to practice self-love and self-care:
Take a hot shower or bath.
Taking a hot shower or bath can be a nice way to relax and it gives you time to be alone with your thoughts (and without your phone). It’s one of the most basic forms of self-care, which can often be forgotten when your mental health isn’t doing too well.
Eat food that will nourish your body.
Although it may be easier to bury your head in a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos when your mental health is at stake, it’s even more important to eat something that will nourish your body. Eating some fruits and veggies could be really good for you and still enjoyable.
Drink plenty of water.
This is another basic form of self-care, but unfortunately it’s one people easily neglect when their mental health isn’t doing the best. Being dehydrated can severely affect many things; not only with your mental health, but your physical health as well. Just drinking a couple of bottles a day can make a big impact.
Exercise, even if it’s just a short walk.
As much as you just want to lay in bed all day when you’re not doing well mentally, according to Healthline, exercise releases the chemical dopamine in your brain (aka happiness). Even just a walk around the block can make you feel a lot better.
Get a full night’s sleep.
While it might seem easy to some, a lot of people who struggle with mental health can also struggle with insomnia along with it. Sleep is necessary to function properly in any way, but it’s especially a necessity when it comes to mental health. Not getting enough sleep can severely affect your thoughts, which is the last thing you need when your mental health is in decline.
Tidy up your living space.
Everyone likes the space they’re living in much more when it’s clean. Now, it definitely can be too much sometimes to tackle your entire depression room, but something as simple as taking out your trash, folding clothes or even making your bed can make you feel more comfortable in the space you’re living.
Spend time outdoors.
Again, as much as you might want to stay in bed all day, getting out in the sun is good for you when you’re mentally drained. Whether that be going for a walk, reading a book outside or even just sitting outside in the sun, feeling the sun on your skin is a definite mood booster, as well as a great way to relax.
Create a routine and stick to it.
Creating a routine for yourself can be very helpful when you’re struggling with mental health. It gives you the feeling of control over your day, and it can get all of the things you’re stressed about in order. You’ll worry less about missing something or being late to something, which can definitely take some stress away.
Try doing daily affirmations.
Telling yourself positive thoughts is an incredible way to practice self-love. The more you say something, the more you start to believe it. The more you positively reaffirm yourself, the more you will start to believe they are true (which they are).
Start saying no to people/things.
A lot of people run into an issue of filling up their schedule with things and commitments that they actually don’t really want to do, because they don’t know how to say ‘no.’ Saying ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do or don’t have the energy for will free up much time to focus on yourself, and do things that you actually like.
Write in a journal.
Writing in a journal is a very positive way to practice self-care. While it’s easy to make and post a private thought on Twitter or Instagram and regret it later, in a journal, you don’t have to worry about that. In a journal, you can freely write anything you’re feeling and get it all out, without having to feel bad about it later.
Take some time away from your phone.
Taking some time away from your phone can be incredibly beneficial to your mental health. Disconnecting from the social world can give you clarity, and make you more in touch with the real world and your emotions. Our phones, especially when you’re on social media, can lead us to comparison, self-criticism and distort our image of what the real world looks like. And taking a step back from that and disconnecting can be a very positive thing for your mental health.
Purge your social media.
This kind of ties in together with the last tip, but purge your social media. If the accounts you’re following on social media are making you feel bad about yourself, or making you compare your life to someone else’s, unfollow them, even if it’s just for a little bit. Make the accounts you follow positive ones that make you happy, and it can drastically change your self image and mental health.
Get rid of the negative people in your life.
Again, this ties in with the last tip. Getting rid of negativity isn’t just reserved for social media. If there are people in your life that don’t make you feel good about yourself and don’t uplift you, cut them off. It’s easier said than done, but when your mental health isn’t doing the best, the last thing you need is to be surrounded by negative people. Instead, surround yourself with positive people who uplift you, and your mental health will thank you.
Spend the night by yourself to recharge.
Sometimes, it’s good to just spend some time alone. Spending time alone can help you get to know yourself better, and find things that you can enjoy by yourself. You can spend the night exploring interests, relaxing and recharging. Social interaction can sometimes be draining, especially when your mental health isn’t doing well. Taking a night for yourself can help alleviate a lot of the stress that comes with that.
Treat yourself (whether that be to a spa day, a special dessert, shopping or just anything you normally wouldn’t do).
Sometimes, when you’re feeling down, it can be good to indulge in things that you wouldn’t normally do for yourself. It differs from person to person, but basically just doing something you wouldn’t normally do that makes you happy, can positively affect your mental health, and is a great way to practice self-care, and self-love.
Reflect on things you’re thankful for.
When your mental health is in decline, it can start to feel like there is nothing good in your life. When you’re feeling like this, it’s important to step back and realize that there are so many things to be thankful for, and that it’s not all bad. It can be as far as ‘I have great friends I love,’ or as simple as, ‘I have a roof over my head,’ and ‘I’m alive.’ Reminding yourself that there are good things can help improve your mood very quickly.
Treat yourself like your best friend.
This is the best piece of advice I have ever gotten when it comes to self-care and self-love. When your mental health isn’t good, think of how you’d treat your best friend. If your best friend was sad, and hadn’t eaten all day, what would you do? You’d go and make them a nice meal, because they deserve to eat and have their body nourished. If they called themselves ugly or worthless, what would you say? You would tell them that is absolutely not true. You’d tell them that they are beautiful and worthy. And that’s what you have to do with yourselves. We’re harder on ourselves than anyone else, so when it’s really bad, we have to take the extra step to treat ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.
Talk to someone, whether that be a therapist, a close friend or any trusted individual.
Talking to someone about your problems, or just how you’re feeling in general, can benefit your mental health for many reasons. Even if you’re just ranting to a listening friend, it can help to get bottled up feelings off your chest. Carrying around all of your problems on your own is hard, and it can weigh on you. By talking to someone, you can have that weight lifted off your shoulders and feel much lighter and happier, even if a solution isn’t found. Sometimes, we just need to talk things out, instead of letting them run around in our heads all day.
Remember that everything will be okay.
While it might seem cliche, remembering that everything will be okay is a very positive way to improve your mental health, and practice self-love. Telling yourself that you will be okay, and you will get through this can be very empowering. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Understand that no matter what you’re going through, you are not alone. You are loved and worthy, and it will pass.
(Trigger warning: Sexual Assault, Rape)
Recently, I was scrolling on Instagram and I was so surprised to see that one of my favorite accounts had posted an odd poem about sexual assault. Although I cannot find the picture anymore (I’m assuming because it was deleted), basically it went a little something like this, “When someone’s daughter or sister, or love is raped…” and after that I stopped reading because that’s when I realized the poem was not going about this topic in the correct way.
Yes, the overall message is not to sexually assualt people, which obviously is the right message but the reasoning behind it is just demented. Yes, it’s saying sexually assaulting someone’s daughter or sister is bad, but here’s my problem with it. Why are we referring to a human being as “someone’s.” That person is so much more than “someone’s.”
When we say things like “someone’s daughter,” “someone’s sister,” “someone’s wife,” or “someone’s mother,” we are discrediting these women as their own separate entities and human beings, and instead, reducing them simply to “someone’s.” We are essentially saying that the reason behind not sexually assaulting someone, isn’t because they are a human being with rights and you have absolutely no right to do so, we’re saying instead, don’t sexually assault someone, because they are someone else’s. They belong to someone else, and by sexually assaulting said person, you will be doing a disservice to that person’s brother, father, husband, and so on. That is an absolute joke.
And I’m over it. I. Am Over it. I’m over being “someone’s daughter.” I’m over being “someone’s sister.” I am so much more than that. I am someone. I am a woman all on my own without the help of anyone else. I am strong and independent and I don’t need anyone, let alone a man, in my life to validate my worth as a human being, or as a reason to not be sexually assaulted.
How about instead of teaching and telling men, this is ‘someone’s something” how about we start teaching men not to rape. We need to start at the base of the problem. The problem isn’t women, and the fix isn’t the telling men that these women are “someone’s something.” The problem is that there are men in this world that believe that they have a right to take whatever they want in this world, that is not theirs to take. And the fix to that, is men learning that sexual assault is NEVER okay, and that women were not made just to be ripe for their picking. Men need to learn that they can’t just take what’s not theirs.
(I would like to specify that this 100% works both ways. Women are rapists as well, and can be guilty of all of this just the same as men. I do believe that women are the victims more times than not, however, I believe it’s important to recognize that men are not all evil rapists, and that they can fall victim to it as well. It works both ways. I’m simply using women as the victim in this example because that was the case in the poem I saw.)
We need to spread this message to young girls. They need to understand their worth, and they need to understand that that worth does not come from being “someone’s.” They are worthy of love and respect all on their own. To any younger girls reading: You are not someone’s. You are someone. You are beautiful and strong and intelligent all on your own. You are a woman, and you don’t need anybody in your life to make that statement anymore true. You have a right to your own body, and nobody has a right to it without your consent.
You. Are. Someone. NOT “Someone’s.”